The Broken Mirror by Amanda Dack

Have you ever heard of the tale, that if one breaks a mirror, they have seven years of bad luck? I did not break a mirror, but I did have seven years of bad luck because of a mirror.

A mirror by definition, states, “a piece of glass that reflects images,” it does not state if the images are a reality, it only states they represent a truth. A mirror does not represent reality, it represents the truths we believe. For me I believed I was fat, I was ugly, I was unlovable, I was not enough, and those truths reflected in the mirror image I saw of myself.

Yes, my seven years of bad luck was because I could not ever break the mirror image I had of myself during my battle with Anorexia. I could not shake the power of the truth the eating disorder made me believe. I could not shake the control of my mind that I gave up to my eating disorder. My truth was reflected in the mirror. At 87 pounds, when people asked if I had cancer because I looked withered away, much like a person with cancer does, I saw a 300 pound fat girl in the mirror. The mirror was never a reality, but it was a true reflection of what my thoughts were lead to see.

I could go into the mirror battle of my anorexia, but the point of this is that we have to become aware that our mirror image, the image we see when we look at the mirrors everywhere in our lives, is a reflection of our thoughts, not our reality.

Have you ever had a day where you are like, “today, I look great!”, or “today, I am beautiful”, or “today, I am in great shape”, only to have the next day, a “fat day”, or a “nothing fits, nothing looks good day”? In one day, 24 hours, I promise you do not go from being in shape to fat, but your thoughts can allow you to believe that.

The chance of eliminating mirrors in our daily lives is not something that is practical. For me a mirror can save me from having food in my teeth, my hair sticking up, wardrobe malfunctions, you name it, a mirror can be helpful, as long as I am aware of my thoughts, my feelings, when I am looking for my truth when I stand in front of a mirror, or as I pass by one.

The key is to become aware of the thoughts you feed your mind before looking into a mirror, before living out each second of your day. Mirrors are not a scary thing when your thoughts are positive and loving, but mirrors can be a scary thing when your thoughts are clouded by negativity and self-hate.

Part of my successful recovery started when I realized a mirror was not a reality, a mirror was a reflection of a truth of my state of mind. For me to change the image in the mirror, it did not have to do with eating less, working out more, it had to do with loving who I was, accepting myself, forgiving myself, and loving the imperfections that make me perfectly me. And let me tell you loving who I am has only helped improve my body, soul, and mind, far more than any amount of self-hate did.

Seven years of bad luck does not come from a broken mirror, but from a broken soul. It is not the mirrors that we need to fix, but our souls. We can conquer anything if we just change our perspective of what our obstacles are, mirrors being one of them. If we change our minds on what we focus on recovery is possible.

Amanda Dack is a Florida native, and battled Anorexia Nervosa from the age of 14 and on. She is now in recovery and a healthy 26 year old, where she lives and works in the Nationals Capital, Washington, DC.  Amanda started a blog, “A squared”, in which she describes as an “electrifying soul journey through the myriad thoughts of an eating disorder survivor.”


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